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Three strangers strike up a conversation in the airport lounge in Bozeman, Montana, awaiting their flights.
One is an American Indian, passing thru from Lame Deer. Another is a cowboy on his way to Billings for a livestock show. And the third is a fundamentalist Arab student from the Middle East, newly arrived at Montana State University.
Their discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon, the two Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout, radical Muslim and the conversation falls into an uneasy lull.
The cowboy leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face. The wind outside is blowing tumbleweeds around and the old windsock is flapping, but still no plane comes.
Finally, the American Indian clears his throat and softly speaks. "At one time here, my people were many, but sadly, now we are few."
The Muslim student raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"
The Montana cowboy shifts his toothpick to one side of his mouth, and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says in a drawl, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet, but I do believe it's a-comin'".
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They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.
He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.
The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!"
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."
He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"
Welcome to the golden years.............. |
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A cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Barack Obama was trying to gather support for his Health Plan.
When Obama discovered the cowboy was from President Bush's home area, he started to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
... Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Obama bluntly asks, "Are you calling me a horse's #$%$?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's #$%$."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies, though. |
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A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 9th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Scotty, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms.
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One sunny day in January, 2017, an old man approaches the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he"d been sitting on a park bench.
He speaks to the U.S. Marine standing guard and says, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looks at the man and says,
"Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man says, "Okay," and walks away.
The following day the same man approaches the White House and says to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again tells the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanks him and again walks away.
On the third day, the same man approaches the White House and speaks to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looks at the man and says, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I"ve told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here.
Don"t you understand?"
The old man looks at the Marine and says,"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "See you tomorrow, Sir!" |
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 1 user thanked RCRed for this useful post.
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Originally Posted by: RCRed  One sunny day in January, 2017, an old man approaches the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench.
He speaks to the U.S. Marine standing guard and says, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looks at the man and says,
"Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man says, "Okay," and walks away.
The following day the same man approaches the White House and says to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again tells the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanks him and again walks away.
On the third day, the same man approaches the White House and speaks to the very same U.S. Marine, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looks at the man and says, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here.
Don't you understand?"
The old man looks at the Marine and says,"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "See you tomorrow, Sir!" HaHaHa...I don't care who you are that shit's funny............................
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A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he's in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, "Fill it up, will you?". The man says "Sorry - we're right out of petrol." So the man considers, and says "Well, I'm a bit low on oil, would you mind topping that up?" And the attendant responds"Sorry, but no oil either." The man thinks, and asks the attendant to wash his windscreen, to which he gets the by-now predictable response that he can't do that. The man at this point is fairly mad, so he asks the attendant "Just what kind of petrol station is this ?" The attendant then looks both ways, and very carefully whispers to the man "To tell you the truth, this is just an IRA front." The man then says "Well, in that case, you can blow up the tires !" Edited by user Friday, October 02, 2015 6:24:56 PM(UTC)
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
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We were sitting on our deck the other day and I saw a couple of ants walking by and singing "I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation...." My wife said "Oh Sh#$.. We've got Carpenter ants! Edited by user Wednesday, October 14, 2015 8:58:12 PM(UTC)
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 10/12/2012(UTC) Posts: 463 Was thanked: 3 time(s) in 3 post(s)
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AN IRISHMAN'S FIRST DRINK WITH HIS SON.
While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories
came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.
Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from our house.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Kilkenny's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn't. So I drank it.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer, so we tried a Jameson's, nope!
In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland's finest. He wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink, I was so
fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push his stroller back home.
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